I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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