I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
