did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
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