hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
