You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm sobbing to NWA
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
