Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
