And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
