I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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