Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
