Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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