just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
