new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
