I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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