I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
