ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
