Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We have so much sex to catch up on
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
