We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
