Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
