at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
40s are totally the cure
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
