like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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