soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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