So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize