things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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