I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
