How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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