this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
