she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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