Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
