Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize