I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
