Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
