PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
why do cheetos always look like penises
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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