do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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