if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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