when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
