there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize