Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
