8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
