I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
