The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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