May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
