Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
