fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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