just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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