can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I touched a dick in church today
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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