i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
