I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
