i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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