I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize