Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
