i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
