I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize