My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize