You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
