new low.... made out with someone while peeing
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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