How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
