think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize