i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
