You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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