Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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