its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
