Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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