we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's blow job season.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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