Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
