I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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