Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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