I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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