I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
