Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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