I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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