Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
