Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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