I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
